I have been gradually writing about the events of my last year or two or three or four as I have time, interest, courage & motivation to do so. Occasionally something significant happens that causes me to ‘squirrel’ or ‘bump off’ the course I was on… And this happened to me three times in the last two weeks.
And I love it! So I am calling “Intermission” for now to tell you about it.
Three different people wrote me to inquire, challenge, discuss the subjects I write about… These subjects have varied from Practice Management Consulting to a variety of Fitness & Health topics, to Relationships, Love, and to Spirit – Soul’s Path – Dharma…
But this year’s writings were really about what happened to me in the wake of a relationship that ended and how I tried to stay open, and live well, in spite of some really dark times and painful sad feelings ~ the likes of which I’d not experienced before.
2 of the people who wrote me are people I knew in high school. I knew both superficially… and a long time ago. One, Heidi, wrote me with the question I had been HOPING without knowing I was hoping — ‘How can you have been married for 15 years, go through a divorce, and be okay with it — then be in a relationship with someone for a couple months, and be and feel so broken?’
Fucking Brilliant. I mean it sincerely. Heidi — that question is the one my soul asks… And the answer that keeps coming up is that there are times and there are people and situations that are Life Lessons, with caps. I believe that my marriage ended because we BOTH were done with it and Knew our time together was over. It wasn’t easy, and it’s not easy… but it was necessary.
This other relationship… this short term relationship was unlike anything I have ever experienced (it’s quite unusual to have someone call, for example, and say ‘I just sensed that you are freezing cold’ — and at that moment 600 miles away, be standing shivering in the freezing rain, soaked to the skin, after running…) (And that’s just the tip of the iceberg for the level of connection) My life ‘made sense’ with this person, in spite of many logistical issues… And made a lot less sense without her.
In fact it still doesn’t really make sense… just yet… but I did learn a great deal about what a relationship can be, other ways of connecting, and most importantly, about the spiritual truth that ‘attachment is the cause of all human suffering’… love is not attachment, love is about unlimited compassion… UNLIMITED.
And that’s what the next question was about … My other old friend wrote me to tell me that she, too, had been feeling a very strong pull away from a well insulated job in a corporate setting… and it had taken her a few years, but that recently she had completed a transition into something that beat strongly in her heart – much more in alignment with her soul’s purpose… She asked me and we discussed — what am I up to professionally, and what’s in my heart, and how do I plan upon moving from point A to point B… and we laughed because it’s really not that much about ‘determination’ but about ‘allowing’ and about ‘openness’ and about ‘aligning with that which is pulling us’… To simply let go a million times a second and see where the wave takes you. Don’t confuse this with ‘job dissatisfaction’ — we are talking about being aware that it’s wholly possible to keep doing what we are doing and being remunerated for it… the commonly held notion of success — we were talking much more along the lines of Joseph Campbell…
For her, it happened, and she’s never been happier. For me, I am about midway there in a 3-4 year event cycle… so I am told, and so I believe. I wish I could just rush it, but at least at this point I know that’s not possible.
Finally the third person, Ellen Smoak, a relationships expert I had hired as a ‘coach’ of my own… wrote an email about DISCERNMENT ( https://www.facebook.com/notes/ellen-smoak/the-real-d-in-dating/596850587051648 )… It was as timely as the other two letters I received and equally thought provoking… It resonated with me, and reminded me that I hold within me, a power to make a decision to ‘launch’ into something based upon any number of conditions — whether they be of the heart or the mind or both… Not to be confused with fear, hesitation, or confusion – discernment simply is a value, a decision, a choice about whether or not to invest time, energy, emotion into a relationship, a business idea, anything really… It is freedom in disguise!
This has been the intermission. This is the way ‘spirit’ works in my life… People ‘pop’ up at key moments with clear messages… and I am guided on. My conclusions were these –
1. Sometimes things don’t make sense or have a rational explanation… they just are.
2. If you have a strong sense of clarity, of purpose, intention, desire, then by all means follow it… even if the process unfolds slowly and requires intense remodeling of your life before…
3. Pause. Reflect. Sit with yourself. Listen to your heart. Do not allow others to rush your process. Practice Discernment – because you are intrinsically worthy of making decisions from that healthy place.
Thank you, as always, for reading.
P.S. A 4th person wrote to ask me ‘If you could go back to your 20’s and change one thing, what would it be… and it would be ‘to pay attention to, and to follow my intuition’… Suppressing it, overriding it, intellectualizing it away, being involved in people pleasing… none of it pays off except to delay the inevitable… As my good friend Lori says — it’s like trying to hold a door closed that’s being blown open by a hurricane — eventually you get tired, you get sore, and the blows open anyway.